Saturday 17 November 2012

The Gruffalo written like McCarthy

When he woke in the woods in the first grey light. He rose and walked out to the road. In front was a limping old fox. He walked behind and studied him and finally walked past him.
Where are you going to, little brown mouse? Come and have lunch in my underground house.
It's terribly kind of you, Fox, but no I'm going to have lunch with a gruffalo.
A gruffalo? What's a gruffalo?
A gruffalo why didn't you know? He has terrible tusks and terrible claws and terrible teeth in his terrible jaws.
Where are you meeting him?
Here by this rock and his favorite food is roasted fox.
Roasted fox I'm off! Goodbye little mouse!
Silly old fox doesn't he know there's no such thing as a gruffalo. Soon the mouse could no longer see the fox but along came a flying owl. Swooping silently down. Moving the dust on the road as he flapped for the final few times.
Where are you going to, little brown mouse? Come and have tea in my treetop house.
It's frightfully nice of you, Owl, but no I'm going to have tea with a gruffalo.
A gruffalo? What's a gruffalo?
A gruffalo why didn't you know? He has knobbly knees and turned-out toes and a poisonous wart at the end of his nose.
Where are you meeting him?
Here by this stream and his favorite food is owl ice cream.
Owl ice cream! Goodbye little mouse!
Sill old owl doesn't he know there's no such thing as a gruffalo. The owl was out of sight before the mouse could think any more of it. He carried on walking soon came a track in the dust of the road. He could not tell what creature it was but knew it was dangerous. He carried on walking, sat in the middle of the road was a snake. He stood and looked at him. The mouse knew he had to carry on. He hid his face and walked past the snake.
Where are you going to, little brown mouse? Come and have a feast in my logpile house.
It's wonderfully good of you, Snake, but no I'm going to have a feast with a gruffalo.
A gruffalo? What's a gruffalo?
A gruffalo why didn't you know? His eyes are orange and his tongue is black and he has purple prickles all over his back. Where are you meeting him?
Here by this lake and his favorite food is scrabbled snake.
Scrabbled snake! It's time I hid. Goodbye little mouse!
Sill old snake doesn't he know there's no such thing as a gruffalo.
Across a field the mouse saw a house. He stood outside the house and stared. He stood listening. He tried the door it swung slowly on it's great brass hinges. He looked inside but before he could move. A floorboard creaked.The mouse froze. All he could hear was footsteps coming towards him, but who is this creature with terrible claws and terrible teeth in his terrible jaws? He has knobbly knees and turned-out toes and a poisonous wart at the end of his nose. His eyes are orange and his tongue is black. He has purple prickles all over his back.
Oh help! Oh no! It's a gruffalo!
My favorite food you'll taste good on a slice of bread!
Good? Don't call me good! I'm the scariest creature on this road. Just walk behind me and soon you'll see, everyone is afraid of me.
All right, you go ahead and I'll follow after.
They walked and walked in complete silence. Looking around to see. Listening for what could be behind or hidden in the trees.
I hear a hiss in the leaves ahead.
It's snake, why snake, hello!
Oh crumbs! Goodbye little mouse.
Before the gruffalo could say a word the snake had gone to his house and the mouse had started to walk away. The gruffalo ran after him.
You see? I told you so.
Amazing
They walked some more in silence again. Checking their surrounding. The mouse kept checking the gruffalo was behind.
I hear a hoot in the trees ahead.
It's Owl, why, owl hello!
Oh dear! Goodbye little mouse!
Off went the owl into the clouds in the sky to never be seen again. As the gruffalo stared into the sky looking after the owl the mouse moved on and started to walk at a slow pace until the gruffalo had caught up.
You see. I told you so.
Astounding!
The gruffalo then stopped and looked at the tracks in the dust.
It's Fox, why, Fox hello!
Oh help! Goodbye little mouse.
And off ran the fox into the forest to never be seen again.
Well Gruffalo you see? Everyone is afraid of me! But now my tummy's beginning to ruble and my favorite food is gruffalo crumple!
Gruffalo crumble
And quick as the wind he turned and fled. The mouse was never messed with ever again by anyone because the story of the gruffalo was passed on down the generations. All was quiet in the deep dark road. The mouse found a nut and the nut was good.

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